|April 1, 1998|
ATTENTION: Mr. Chairman and his Buddy
Re: Summer Solstice
Dear Dan & Gord:
When I first heard that my application was to be considered by this year's tenure committee, I was overjoyed with excitement. To think that, if accepted, I, John Robbillard, would actually be able to call my fellow "Solsticians", my friends!!!! There is no greater honour for which I have spent a life time to achieve.
Unfortunately, a dark and foreboding cloud happened upon my pending joy in the form of an unexpected visit from CSIS members who informed me, in no uncertain terms, that any affiliation with the Summer Solstice Gang would undoubtedly have threatened my career and result in the loss of my one and only client. According to CSIS, they have been monitoring the indescribably sordid activities of the Summer Solstice Gang for several years now and in fact, went so far as to infiltrate the Myrtle Beach Group. Those low life infiltrators are better known to us as "Greg" (don't take your coat off honey) and the "hairdresser" (Etch's personal brusher). These agents, now involved in the drowning accident of some army guy, have reported a number of unspeakable activities perpetrated by both the Summer Solstice Gang and the Myrtle Beach Group. For instance, apparently, while some members like to be called Bill Clinton Jr. (does "blow me" come to mind?), others prefer to risk the live of others while falling asleep when driving them home and still others surreptitiously gather together to discuss the soon to be infamous "Eddy Law" (the premise being, why drinking and driving laws should not apply to them). These activities have lead to the conclusion by CSIS that the members of these groups pose a serious danger to the safety of Canadians and to the security of the country.
Not having personally been involved in activities one could describe as sordid, lowlife, obnoxious etc, I absorbed this information with great reluctance and a heavy heart. However, it did force me to re-examine my association and potential future involvment with the Summer Solstice Gang. To me, the telling moment of abject immorality was when the application for tenure of my dear "brother" Big Toe (or whatever the hell he is called) was an affront to my own moral values and my pursuit of excellence through clean living.
Accordingly, it is with the utmost of regret, that I hereby tender the withdrawal of my application for tenure.
Let it be heard!
|It gives me extreme pleasure to announce that John "Big Head" Robillard as been granted Tenure at the Summer Solstice.|
From this date forth, he shall be extended all privileges and courtesies as befits his new status..
P.S. The Summer Solstice Tenure Committee has unanimously denied Tenure to Jim "Big Fella" McColl.
GO FIGURE ???