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Ottawa Courses
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Robin Williams on Golf

Changes to the 2011 Rules of Golf

Bad Golf Monthly


Top Ten Signs You're Obsessed With Golf

1.) Even your work gloves have a ball marker on the wrist.
2.) You mow your backyard to 11 on the Stimpmeter.
3.) You don't know who the Prime Minister is, but you've got Phil Mickelson's sand save percentage memorized.
4.) You name your kids Arnold, Jesper and Chi Chi, and that's just the girls.
5.) Tees in all your pockets, even your jammies.
6.) Getting married at 10:00? You can still get in a quick 9 holes at 8:00.
7.) You have all the machinery foldouts from Turfgrass Monthly pinned to your wall.
8.) You get a titanium rod inserted permanently so you can't bend your left arm.
9.) After two days without golf, you get the shakes and have to phone 1-800-HEADCASE so they can talk you down.
10.) When you stand at the urinal, you use the overlapping grip

 Golf Truisms

1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
2. "I wish I could play my normal game...just once."
3. "Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls."
4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
6. The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."
7. A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers...neither of whom can putt very well.
8. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.
9. Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
10. I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
11. If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme Putt", you might wish to reconsider this game.
12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've reached it.
13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
14. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work... and both are expensive.
15. The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers...
they shoot a "six," yell "fore" and write "five".
18. Swing easy. Hit hard.
19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for is also just a matter of time before the IRS investigates your business.
20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?
21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

"The greatest sound in golf is the Woosh, Woosh, Woosh, of your opponents club as he hurls it across the fairway"

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. ~ Brian Weis

Swing hard in case you hit it. ~ Dan Marino

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt.  The rest can never be mastered. ~ Lord Robertson

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.  ~ Jack Benny

There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. ~ Ben Hogan

Professional golf is the only sport where if you win 20% of the time, you're the best.   ~ Jack Nicklaus

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf.  It's almost a law. ~ H. G. Wells

I never pray on a golf course.  Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. ~ Billy Graham

If you watch a game, it's fun.  If you play at it, it's recreation.  If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Bob Hope

While playing golf today I hit two good balls.  I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.   ~ Jack Lemmon

You can make a lot of money in this game.  Just ask my ex-wives.  Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. ~ Lee Trevino

I'm not saying my golf game went bad..., but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.   ~ Lee Trevino


Quotes & Toasts 0f The Day - Golf Quotes

These greens are so fast, I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead

I was three over.  One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.~ George Brett

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula.  And I took a 7 to do that. ~ Jim Murray

The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.~ Mickey Mantle

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.~ Kevin Costner

I don't fear death..., but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour.  Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

"On becoming eligible for the Senior Tour - Why would I want to be out there with all those young guns? No sense playing the flat bellies when you can play the round bellies." ---Lee Trevino (1989)

"Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with the big b00bs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her". ----Val Doonican 

"You know the old rule: He who have the fastest cart never have to play bad lie." ---Mickey Mantle Esquire (1971)

A compulsive golfer is a crackputt. ---Anon

Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with the big B00bs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her. ----Val Doonican

The definition of the average golfer is: one who starts at six, shouts 'Fore!', takes five, and puts down a three. ---Anon

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ---Phyllis Oilier


Summer Solstice

Jim McColl Memorial
Myrtle Beach

Brian Smyth's 70th Birthday

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